I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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