so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
