How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
