when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Randomize
