so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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