no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
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