Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
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