You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
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