I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
another moral hangover. fuck.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize
