Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
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