when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
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