My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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