He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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