areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
