Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
if i died would you start the facebook group?
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
