whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
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