I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
