so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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