I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
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