I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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