oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Randomize
