I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Randomize