I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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