dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
Randomize
