I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
