Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Randomize
