she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
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