After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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