8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
my mouth tastes like poor choices
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
