just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
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