Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
