i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Randomize
