My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
