he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
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