sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
I need moral support for this bender
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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