I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
