O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
