Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
You've changed since you got that strap on
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
