Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
