k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
