He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Randomize
