My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
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