I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
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