Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize