I need help removing her.
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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