I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
Just cropdusted the office
sarcasm needs its own font
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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