I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
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