They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
bring money and cleavage
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
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