I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
