roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
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