So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
