yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Randomize
