That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Randomize
