you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Randomize
