I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
I met the friendliest cop last night
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
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