In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Randomize
