I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Randomize