i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize