i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
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