They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
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