Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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