I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
