I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
Randomize
