I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Randomize
