At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
