The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Randomize