SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
