I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
