So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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