There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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