Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
