Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
