They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Randomize
