You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
I booty called her while she was in labor.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
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