the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Randomize
